Entertainment

RIP Michael.

Oh man, I love me some god damned Eddie Murphy. His movies are that of pure genius. And every movie of, shall I dare say, "Murphyesque" caliber deserve brilliant posters to promote the stunning vision of a mind such as Mr. Murphy. Enjoy these few examples I have provided for you today, and smile because God hath given us Murphy.

Kate, I just can't believe how you have truly turned into a monster! You are always yelling, boasting about your NEW HOUSE, (excuse me, Kate!-IT'S ALL OF YOUR FAMILY'S NEW HOME), you don't want to clean the poop up after your own children, oh, hell no! you make poor Jon be the dirt man and come in from whatever HE'S doing and cater to YOUR whims! Oh, and as far as that slapping him in the face goes? I'm gonna tell you straight up, I'm NOT that kind of person, and if I ever slapped my husband, this one or the 1st one in the face, I'd be peeling my @ss off the wall! Do you have any idea how sweet a man you have and you have literally pushed him into subconsciously hating you?! Gee Kate, is this the punishment you're doling out to him for you having his eight children!? Must be! I swear to God woman, you have turned into a media blitzing bitch and you don't even see it! You're too busy cleaning, traveling, etc. And you know what, when those beautiful children get grown, all they're gonna remember is: mommy was always yelling, mommy was always afraid for us to get dirty, mommy was always putting daddy down, mommy was always fussing about our food habits, I don't think mommy was very happy! She was always criticizing us and Daddy! And you know what? As kids usually do in situations similar to your's where the daddy is put upon, the kids will adore him and hate you for the way you acted! Mark my words! I've seen it many times! YEP! KATE, CHILL OUT, LET THE SWEET ONES GET DIRTY, LET THEM EAT A POUND OF SAND, FINGERPAINT, AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, PLANT A GARDEN! YOU TRULY NEED TO SIT IN THE DIRT AND DIG AND RELAX! THAT WILL DO MORE FOR YOU THAN ANYTHING! JUST GO TO A GARDEN CENTER AND LET THEM ALL PICK OUT A PLANT(S) OR SOME SEEDS AND LET JON HELP YOU GET CLOSE TO YOUR CHILDREN! IN THE RIGHT WAY! YOU ARE SO STRESSED, YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT GIRL! CHILL CHILL CHILL! I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT, IF I HAD THAT MUCH LAND, I'D BE OUTSIDE PLAYING WITH THE KIDS, PLAYING IN THE GARDEN, MAKING A SCARE CROW, LET THEM DESIGN A GARDEN SPACE OF FLOWERS! LET THE BIG GIRLS DESIGN IT AND THE LITTLE KIDS PICK OUT THE COLORS! I'M TELLIN' YOU RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE SO DAMNED ANAL IT'S PATHETIC! GET OVER YOURSELF, YES, YOU'RE A GOOD MOTHER, YES, YOU'RE A GOOD AUTHOR, BUT YOU'RE WANDERING AWAY FROM WHAT GOT YOU HERE TO BEGIN WITH! JON AND THOSE BEAUTIFUL 8 CHILDREN! TRULY, YOU NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH MRS. MICHELLE DUGGAR, SHE'S SO SWEET, SHE'S NEVER HEARD YELLING AT HER 18 THAT SHE HAS, SHE NEVER PUTS JIM BOB DOWN, SHE'S ALWAYS ENCOURAGING TO HER BROOD, SHE'S ALWAYS GRATEFUL FOR WHAT SHE HAS WITH HER HUSBAND, AND SHE NEVER SAYS THINGS LIKE WHAT YOU DID "ITS ALL MINE!" NO, LADY, IT AIN'T JUST ALL YOUR'S! IT'S YOUR'S AND THEIR'S! GET OFF YOUR HIGHHORSE! TODAY! GET A BRAIN AND RELAX! ENJOY LIFE! ENJOY JON, ENJOY THE KIDS, AND BY ALL MEANS, GET A THERAPIST!!! PLEASE, FOR ALL THEIR SAKES, CALM DOWN!!!!!! Yes, I AM praying for you to come to your senses, get off your high horse and calm down and chill! you need to look yourself in the mirror and go "my God, they're right! I'm a monster, God help me calm down!" Because I'm gonna tell you, if you don't, you're gonna turn yourself into the JASON type that was booted off of the Bachelor! Everybody hates him now and he's got what he deserved, a mall rat! Please, for the sakes of all those involved in your household, CALM DOWN! LOOSEN UP! sincerely, Barbara Plunkett Turner Chesterfield, VA www.facebook.com/barbaraplunkettturner bpgagirl22 www.myspace.com/barbarapturner

With the continuing growth in popularity of real world objects becoming controllers (see Tony Hawk Ride, Rock Band, DJ Hero, et. al) here are some suggestions of objects that need to be controller-ified.

Okay, after watching the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 I know now the solution to their problems. While we can't read deep into peoples lives, I do feel some of the solutions are easy to follow.

Man, I can't stand this show. I've watched it a few times and it pisses me off to no end. Here's why.

The four remaining contestants take on Classic Rock this week. But who is going to Rock, and whose head is going to Roll?

Down to the Final 5, the contestants try to take on the Rat Pack standards.

Last week, Matt was saved by the judges. Will it be worth it when the contestants try to tackle the dreaded Disco Week?

If I had to sing a song from the year I was born, I'd probably pick 'Kung Fu Fighting'. That would've been hot, dawg. Let's see what the contestants chose.

Hey Hollywood! I've got a little secret for you. Come closer. Okay, ready? Here's a quick list of things you need to create a Stallone movie. Now send your screenwriters to work.

Here are some of the worst movies ever made that make you want to slap yourself for watching it, but you can't pull yourself away either.

Most are from the 80's, of course.

This week finds the contestants standing in the shadows of Motown. Will this be an endless love or a love hangover?

Last week, two contestants went away and now only 11 remain. But who will survive The Grand Ol' Opry?

This is it. We finally have our Top 12... err, 13. Who's got the chops and who's going home? And can any of these guys actually take on Michael Jackson and live?

After two great weeks of podcasting, Adam Carolla has already taught me so many things abut life that, until recently, I didn't know. Checkout the podcast at www.adamcarolla.com.